Momento mori
So this is my life at 40.
Each box represents a week that I have lived and IF I live to 80 (which is no guarantee) I have 40 more summers to endure and 40 more times to see the autumn leaves. I have burnt half way through my allocated time.
Reaching forties is often referred to as the hardest. Being spread so thin between career, family and “home life” there is little left in the dying hours of the day to focus on cultivating one’s own self. Statistically it’s the most unhappy, because of the aforementioned stressors and the realisation that we’re halfway through the time we’re given. I’ve been fortunate enough to have an easy run - life is good!
So if I may share what are my lessons so far?
Bicycle riding everyday is like a reset on the mind, if you are fortunate to have that as a feature of your commute you’ve reached peak transport happiness.
Your body is made for movement. Use it or lose it is a very fair saying. I exercise almost everyday and took up running at 37. My app says I’m fitter than the average 25 year old – I’m proud about that.
Everyday should have some kind of physical struggle, even if it’s taking a short flight of stairs. Refer to the point above. Struggle is good, it's what made us. We aren’t evolved for perpetual comfort.
You can’t escape cooking, we’re taught to love it or it’s a chore. I have mixed feelings because it can be both at the same time. A recipe you know, fresh produce, sharp knives, stable chopping board, bottle of wine, music of your choice and an afternoon of no appointments is peak domestic happiness. Notch down happiness points when you add screaming small children.
Greenspace nourishes, go bathe in a forest on a regular basis. Always be growing something, even if it’s some indestructible pathos. It’s an investment in something other than yourself. Most of my indoor plants perished because of the competing demands of the household. Time will come again but it’s not now. Triple points for cooking your own produce in the point above for peak gardener happiness.
I really don’t care about “not being liked”, but I do care about being authentic. Authenticity is no excuse for being deliberately an a-hole. It’s good to have a spirited debate – it shows you care enough about the subject at hand.
In the words of Marcus Aurelias, “Do not become like your enemy”, this I learnt when faced with a particular venomous neighbourhood dispute resulting in me being granted a restraining order against said neighbour.
The best lessons come from adversity. No one sees it at the time or is thankful for the crucible of education, but in the washup of days and months after, there will be insights gleaned from calamity.
Ironically, social media does more harm than good. It’s a tool. We don’t yet know how to use it because our psyches are geared toward social endorsement. We are always chasing approval by likes and self-censoring our content (this post included). I’ve grown far more cynical of social media because of the way it favours echo chambers of opinion.
Be forever curious of your surroundings and be forever sceptical of news. This is the engine room for continual learning. Question everything. When you question, you learn, you then discover more ways of doing things. By curiosity you will appreciate nuance. You improve over time.