Tannic Teeth

If Chairman Mao were alive he’d like Kitsch Bar.

It might have been for the oriental beauties stoically smiling in the tawdry beer adds that canvas the walls. Or the palm-sugar-and-fish-sauce wafts emanating from the kitchen. One thing I’m sure, he would have agreed on though:

Kitsch can do good noodles. With somewhat Asian frugality.

My antennae for a meal was prompted by a friend who suggested to try the “pad thai and chang” night on a Tuesday.

Sure, $19.20 was a reasonable price to pay considering the location, besides, not having to find your way through an Asian enclave forfeits price for convenience.

For a Tuesday night, perhaps under the allure of the “pad thai and chang”, Kitsch was bopping along. A personable waitstaff greeted, spieled and serviced us with a less austere nature than most traditionally run Asian eateries. That I suppose is a bonus.

How was the Chang and the dimpled beer glass? Solidly good.

How was the pad thai? Damn good.

The complexity of flavour was like the yin and the yang. Spot on. Peanuts, beansprout, shrimp, fish sauce and lime juice all in direct quantities. The serving bowl is as authentic as the rickety wooden chair we sat on.

Though the noodles were gluggy in consistency, unlacing them with a fork was a feeble business—chopsticks would have been the perfect dining implement. I was actually surprised they didn’t have any upon request.

Strange huh?

Kitsch Bar has an Asian resort meets shabby chic meets post WWII prosperity feel to it.

The menu is neat and well thought through with the pad thai being as real-deal without the need to buy an air ticket. South East Asia is the Kitsch’s focus and street food what they wish to evoke.

Now if only they were at street food prices.

I often wonder what the owners of that cafe on the corner of Newcastle and Oxford think when they look down the road towards 224 Carr Place on Sunday morning.

Perhaps we should refocus our menu?

Maybe serve unsacrificed coffee?

Or that we should check out the competition?

Whatever the sentiment, I’m sure there is infatuation at a distance with the crowd tapping their watches waiting to get into a cramped little hive — Sayers.

There is no way I could call this a ‘find’ no sir-rey.

Most people know Sayers is one of the places to take your East-Coast mates because you’re petrified with what you’re going to be culinarily spasmed with outside the know-zone of cafes in Perth.

This place – like Mrs. S – does a roaring trade.

Why? Inspiring dishes. Check. Reasonable prices. Check. Amicable staff. Check.

A confident yardstick to base your dining experiences on is your desire to replicate what you’ve seen on display. I call it inspirational. Sayers is inspiring.

After making stilted small-talk on the footpath outside Sayers with other hopeful walk-ins, we were seated on the large centre table. Two other odd-ball groups shared our table at the same time. Apparently three patrons is an inauspicious number to dine with. You’re not quite a four seater but you’re too big for two.

Sensing my level of nitrosamines were down for the week, I chose the spicy italian sausage, scrambled egg, wilted spinach with toasted extra virgin olive oil ciabatta. I’m curious to know where they source their italian sausage from. It’s not Mondo’s. I know that sausage…um…quite well.

Misshandmaid,who effused all morning about the coriander & cumin beans, babganoush, poached egg and toasted rosemary oiled turkish bread, was duly ecstatically satisfied while covetously glancing at the our friend’s potato rosti, poached eggs and bacon with onion jam and lemon scented wilted spinach.

These are meals that show there is more going on in the engine room. A love of food–an impetus for imagination–atypical of the humdrum Perth cafe.

To benchmark the coffee (long black), it was a straight-down-the-line uncomplicated style. Nothing too overpowering or wild and woolly going on. Hazarding a guess it’s denoticlly South American.

In all honesty you could whinge about how there was no cold water, or that the glasses were still warm from being washed, or that we had to inflict ourselves upon a shared table. But I believe in all fairness, Sayers does something extraordinary everyday 7am–5pm by inspiring diners with dishes they’ll strive to make at home.

The thought of eating raw meat isn’t something that I would entertain on a regular basis.

However, the curious experience of sashimi is always going to be a reoccurring daydream.

It could be because it’s insanely expensive, microbially volatile and possibly contains parasites. It’s like a culinary Russian roulette.

But the subtle sweet–umami character, with the texture that is both slimy and firm, propels me with edgy urgency for more. It’s a dish that polarises a lot of people.

Kalis Bros in Leederville is one of those places where you can get it.

I know it’s well known, but Kalis Bros. is a no-brainer for a good piece of fish, no matter what time of day, day of week, week of year.

However, if you are intending to eat raw fish and keep out of the hospital emergency department, there are a few things to consider:

1) Only buy ‘Sashimi Grade’ – this denotes the fish was killed by the Ike jime method. After being hauled aboard on a single line, the fish is quickly spiked behind the brain then plunged in a briny ice slurry.

2) Scope out the packaging date — only buy on the date packed.

3) The fish should not smell strongly! If it’s strong in smell, it’s going off.

Sashimi as a purist would have it, wasabi, soy, ponzu and daikon would be the only accessories.

I hear that nematodes dislike mustard.

That’s why I bookended my pieces with it, and put my sinuses into damage control.

For the last 3 nights I have wandered the streets Perth with Jerrem in search of good points to ‘plug in’ to the power grid, of course for free power, but like all things in this world, it aint free. We could not avoid glances from suspicious eyes as I trotted round the city with a camera bag attached; complete with tripod sticking out, and Jerrem wheeling a trundling tool box of projections paraphernalia. (Mind you an intimidating glance from a scary man holding what looked like a Hasselblad H series!?! Why would anyone want to mug a thug clutching a $30,000+ camera I have no idea).

We were in search of the improbable if not impossible. A 240V power point, unalarmed, free into- the-grid-and-decent-adjacent-building-to-project-onto site. By decent I mean, generally white in colour, no windows and a greater than 2meters and less than 10 stories height, as you know if you live in Perth you would know , our options are rather limited. Also working with the current lens that I do have (Canon EF 24-105mm f/4.0 L-series IS USM) it’s not the best for night shots though the Image Stabilization does help a fraction when you have the ISO bumped way up- sans tripod. We found many sites and fewer power points that always happened to be flanked either side with inappropriate canvas space.

All in all though we found 2 sites both in Northbridge, both 5min walk from each other. The first one lies on the vacant lot next to Mustang Bar. This location belies the ‘stumbling into’ nature of street projection, for passersby anyway that we are trying initiate. People perhaps are uninquisitive enough to walk 30meters into a vacant quasi-construction site into a group of shadowed youths brandishing laser pointers and Wii remotes. But I remain hopeful- for those that will be constructive to our cause.

The other is a cracker of a site protected by a 2m colour bond fence complete with dissuading bougainvillea thickets. The plot of land actually forms what appears to be the car park for community newspapers; nice little plot very spacious and topped off with big brother-esque camera. A perfect canvas towers to the west, windowless in a terracotta if-not-mistaken peachy tone. Nonetheless perfect for our needs and after a night of trawling the streets, and a comming down with a sore throat that I wanted the world to know about, it was ended at newely refurbished cafe-come-lounge Greens’s and Co. in Leederville for some soothing icecream and tea.

Check out Jerrem’s link for upcoming locations, events.