Tannic Teeth

Gourmet Burger Bars.
Ah yes, they’re taking over the lions share of wherever ‘the burgers are better’ and where you’re ‘lovin it’.

For too long we have been subjected to mass produced, paltry, mechanised and formulaic meat between two buns. Now we’re spoilt for choice, we quibble over whether Jus is superior over Flipside,  and who has the best chippies.

Another bar-raisingly fine example can be found at 400 South Terrace Fremantle (corner of Harbour Road). This child-friendly, playful, never-never land of burgers and chips is one of Perth’s newer burger joints.

Missy Moos shares the (South Terrace) strip in Freo that is still in its cafe strip infancy, and bodes well for parking (conveniently at the rear of shop) as parking in Freo is always a hassle.

On the chalk board you’ll find nursery-rhyme character-named beef , chicken, and vege burgers. And what self respecting burger bar in Freo would be devoid of fish? Yep, it’s here too.

I opted for the “Humpty Dumpty” beef burger with pineapple, beetroot, free range egg, Margaret River tomato relish and baby spinach. The burger meat was very good quality and the chargrilled pineapple put an interesting spin on things. Using Jus as a reference point, it’s a clear tie for ingredients except the buns. It’s not that they were like those sugary Tip Top abominations that can be compressed to a small puck, but they just didn’t have the killer edge which Jus has. I like good buns — I’ll leave it at that. Speaking of killer edges, do all burger bars have a thing about impaling burgers?

The Perth gourmet burger standard is high, so really, what becomes the deciding factor?

Price, in my book.

In that regard, then it was good [value for money]. Not jaw-droppingly brilliant, not border-line OK, just good. The atmosphere is open and casual.

Missy Moos is working on a formula that is fail-safe, post-GFC and anti-global — local, fresh ingredients, local family, local customers. Wholesome food, family-first, casual dining.

Who would have ever thought?  The big boys must be squirming under their crowns and golden arches.

So you’re on a ‘less-than-20 grams -of-fat-per-day-diet’ for about 2 months now. You have made good progress. Lost about 3-4% body fat percentage (bfp) bringing it down to about 10%. Single diget bfp is six or eight pack material. And it’s fucking hard. It means you run every other day (about 12km in 40min) and work out in the gym in between those other days so you spend about 7 -8 hrs in the gym per week.

NO DAYS OFF

You’re going well eating pretty much hummus, canned tuna and ‘weight watchers’ wraps which provide a reasonable base of carbs-protein-fat ratio. Then your brother and housemate come home with the new abomination Hungry Jack’s has concocted. Four patties of greasy beef in between four slices of plastic cheese with two strips of fried bacon. The smell was that unmistakeable HJ’s flame grilled beef, crisp bacon and salty chips- It was making me salivate; I was preparing my usual daily meal and I was so tempted to just take a bite, or steal just one chip off the plate, but I’m proud to say that I didn’t. And boy was it hard.

Taken from  here the quadburger contains 4518 kilojoules, or 1080 calories, and 71g of fat. What on earth does that mean? Well the average male functions on about 8000 kilojoules (less if you are female) per day meaning if you down one of these babies you are pretty much half of your daily energy requirements. 71g of fat… most people eat about 100g in a day (I wonder how much of that is saturated?). Having not touched fast food in about 5 years I often snigger inside when I see fatties in line at HJ’s or Maccas. Surely they must realise what they are eating is probably going to kill them. Cigarettes by law have to contain warnings, there is no reason why something as hideous as this should be exempt.

I was so grossed out that burger that I just had to share it with the rest of the world- oh yeah- and my equally gross looking healthy food. And I heard from my housemate and my bro that it was awesomely tasteless. I was later told that they felt sick and depressed from eating that with large fries and half a litre of coke.

hurm wonder why…bring on the single digets…